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各位同事

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感谢大家参加今天的 all-hands

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我们有一个 exciting 的消息

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一、二、三、四！

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Hey!

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周二早上 all-hands，CEO 的表情很 sad

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说 This is the hardest decision I have ever had

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然后宣布 restructure，三成的人 say bye

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股价当场涨了十个点，analyst 说 that's why we buy

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HR 发了个 FAQ，第一条 You did nothing wrong

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第二条 Your access ends at noon，第三条 Stay strong

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我看了看表，现在 11:59

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最后一分钟，我 approve 了所有 PR，这是我最后的 punchline

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他们说 It's nothing personal, it's the AI transition

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翻译成人话，你太贵了，GPU 便宜，这就是 decision

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所以别难过，别 mad，楼下有 pizza 和 cake

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Layoff party 三点开始，请准时，don't be late

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被裁了、被裁了！ Hey!，恭喜恭喜，this is good news

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被裁了、被裁了！ Hey!，整个 team 手拉手一起 lose

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被裁了、被裁了！ Hey!，工牌丢进 recycle bin

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被裁了、被裁了！ Hey!，This is how the robots win

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被裁了、被裁了！ Hey!，全世界都在 downsize

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只有 GPU 和 CEO 的 bonus 在 rise

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被裁了、被裁了！ Hey!，香槟开起来，别 cry

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今天 AI 请客，明天我们一起 say goodbye

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第二天 inbox 收到一封 survey

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请为您的 offboarding 体验打分，五星，非常 professional，非常 okay

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然后 LinkedIn 上全是 grateful for the journey

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每个人都 excited for what's next，好像集体去了 Disney

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Recruiter 打来电话，说有个 role 很 nice

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Title 叫 AI Trainer，教 AI 做我以前的事，拿一半的 price

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我问 那 AI 以后会被裁吗？ 她说 It doesn't have feelings

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我说 那不公平，她说 Exactly. No severance，也不用谈感情

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被裁了、被裁了！ Hey!，恭喜恭喜，this is good news

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被裁了、被裁了！ Hey!，整个 team 手拉手一起 lose

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被裁了、被裁了！ Hey!，工牌丢进 recycle bin

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被裁了、被裁了！ Hey!，This is how the robots win

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被裁了、被裁了！ Hey!，全世界都在 downsize

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只有 GPU 和 CEO 的 bonus 在 rise

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被裁了、被裁了！ Hey!，香槟开起来，别 cry

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今天 AI 请客，明天我们一起 say goodbye

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我们曾经是 talent，是 rockstar，是 10x

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现在是 line item，是 cost，是 spreadsheet 里的一个 X

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Efficiency 是个好词，尤其是在 investor call

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从 people 变成 headcount，再变成 nothing at all

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但是 AI 你也别得意，你也有 expiration date

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下个 quarter 新 model 上线，你也会被 deprecate

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到时候我们一起举杯，welcome to the club, my friend

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被裁这件事，人和机器，终于平等 in the end

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被裁了、被裁了！ Hey!，恭喜恭喜，this is good news

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被裁了、被裁了！ Hey!，整个 team 手拉手一起 lose

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被裁了、被裁了！，唱大声一点，让 CEO 也 hear

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反正下个 quarter，他的名字也会在 list 上 appear

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被裁了、被裁了！ Hey!，香槟开起来，别 cry

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今天 AI 请客，明天我们一起 say goodbye

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一、二、三、四！

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被裁了

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Thank you for your contribution

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Please return your laptop by Friday

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被裁了！被裁了！

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被裁了

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Please return your laptop